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The Diary of Three Men in a Boat by Clive Rogers

This diary was developed from a log kept during a boat trip down the river Thames by three friends from Offley, Hitchin and Letchworth.

The trip was inspired by the well-known novel by Jerome K Jerome. Initially suggested by Peter (Toad), and taken up by Kevin (Ratty) and Clive (Mole), all three men (all over 60) and their wives Julie, Pauline and Dianne planned the trip, the men on the water and the ladies forming the support crew, with Bonzo the stuffed dog playing the part of Montmerency.

The challenge was to row 83 miles down the River Thames in a 126-year-old Victorian camping skiff named Edward. This would include passing through 29 locks.

It was decided to take the opportunity to raise money for charitable causes and so three charities were selected:

• Macmillan Cancer Support
• Cancer Research
• Hitchin Helping Hands

All costs were borne by those involved and so every penny raised goes to the above-named charities.

To relate to the river, each took a name from Wind in the Willows, the ladies becoming Mrs Toad, Mrs Ratty and Mrs Mole. All wore specially printed t-shirts, which proved to be of particular interest on the way down river.

The support crew (the wives) were based in a touring caravan at Hurley Caravan Park for the duration and were to drive many miles in support as the rowers made their way down river.

Day 1 - Thursday 14 June

Mr & Mrs Toad and Mr & Mrs Mole arrived at the Riverside Centre at Donnington Bridge, Oxford, at 11.10am and met up with Tom Junior from Skiffhire, who had the 126-year-old skiff Edward on a trailer. Tom provided a full description of Edward and also explained river etiquette. He then went about rigging the hoops and canvas cover. The cover was secured along the centre of the hoops and could be widened to provide protection from sun or rain, and at night converted the entire boat into a tent with room for the three of us to sleep aboard.

Next we turned our attention to loading our kit and equipment. It was surprising how much we'd brought with us! The Ratties would be meeting us late afternoon and we were worried that there wouldn't be enough room aboard for Ratty's stuff!!

The four of us were soon ready for the off and started our journey with Mrs Mole and Mrs Toad steering. We departed at 12.45pm, which meant that in order to achieve the four-day target we had to reach Walton-on-Thames by the same time on the Monday. With Toad and Mole double sculling, each using two oars, we soon made it to our first lock in many - Iffley, on the outskirts of Oxford. This was followed soon afterwards by Sandford Lock, one of the deepest locks on the river.

We covered 2.64 miles in our first hour - not bad for beginners - and calculated that if we could maintain this pace we would reach our day's target (Day's Lock, our 6th lock) in about six hours, not accounting for breaks or meeting other river traffic.

The weather that day was overcast but bright, approximately 20ºC and with no wind - perfect conditions for sculling. The sculling itself was going quite well, but it certainly requires a bit of practice to stay coordinated!

We stopped for lunch at 2pm under a weeping willow and decided that a Guinness and orange booster was in order. This was followed by 35 minutes' continuous sculling until we hit Abingdon at 3.20pm where we had a break for drinks and Mars bars before continuing on our way. Our arrival at Culham Lock coincided with the lockkeeper having his tea and so Toad has to operate the gates and sluices for us. We left the lock behind us at 5.30pm after discovering that it was a very deep one!

Soon we met up with Mr & Mrs Ratty and had a meal in the Barley Mow inn at Clifton Hampden Bridge. We had agreed with Skiffhire not to leave the boat unattended, but after a friendly conversation with members of a canoe club who were camping adjacent to the pub they agreed to keep an eye on the skiff whilst we ate.

After an excellent meal and a couple of pints of superb real ale, the girls then returned to their base at Hurley Camp Site and the boys returned to Edward. Now we really were Three Men in a Boat!!

Not being able to camp above Day's Lock under the willow trees as planned, we chose a bank in the lock cut in sight of Wittenden Clumps (an old iron age fort) and bedded down for the night. Unfortunately we were in for a wet night...

Day 2 - Friday 15 June

We awoke at 5.30am after rain, rain and more rain all night! The canvas tent held up well, but at 2am Mole went for a pee in only his underpants and so received a cold shower at the same time!

Ratty, our resourceful cook, made tea, cereals and then coffee - all very welcome. We also stuffed ourselves full of bananas and cereal bars for energy. Toad then sorted out the boat, and Mole adopted housekeeping duties in respect of the tent and sleeping gear etc. The tent was loose packed as it was too wet to pack properly. We then made up large bottles of the energy drink Lucozade in preparation for the day ahead.

The day started with passing through Day's Lock and we left there at 7.15am, with Ratty and Mole single sculling. Ratty had previous rowing experience and had suggested that we could achieve the same rate of travel if we rowed with one oar per man. This proved to be an excellent method and we were able to maintain up to 4mph for long periods when well coordinated. (This speed was confirmed with a passing canal boat.)

At the next lock, Benson, we stopped for a second breakfast - beans on toast this time! Very pleasant in the warm sunshine. We all took the opportunity to use the loos - avoiding riverbank expeditions with the trowel.

We now faced the longest stretch between locks on the River Thames - 6.5 miles to Cleeve Lock. With Toad and Mole single oaring we made good progress in the sunshine and then stopped after an hour for a break and drinks at Mongewell Park.

The bank that we chose to moor against was very steep and slippery. Mole got out, followed by Ratty, and made off to the mooring spikes that we carried. Ratty was handing Toad up when sadly he slipped down the bank and into the water up to his knees. Fortunately he found footholds as it could have been nasty if he had slipped down under the boat! Another lesson learned. Ratty's was compensated with a bottle of Carlsberg.

After a 20-minute break, Mole resumed rowing, this time with Toad, and we arrived at Cleeve Lock at 11am. We had completed the whole 6.5 miles in two hours' rowing time - pretty good! From there Goring Lock was just a short hop away (only about half a mile separates Cleeve and Goring locks).

The sun was still with us and we started out for the next lock - Whitchurch - with Ratty and Toad rowing. Toad recalled Ye Olde Leatherne Bottel inn and suggested a drink. We made it to the quay at the pub, only to be greeted by an extremely superior maitre d' enquiring whether we had booked when all we really yearned for was a regular pub with a friendly atmosphere and decent real ale and food. He also asked us to make way for a large ‘gin palace' which presumably did have a booking. Ratty announced that he wasn't going to patronise such an unwelcoming establishment with his hard-earned cash to which we heartily agreed. And so we pushed off - much to the relief of the maitre d' no doubt - and The Leather Bottle has gone down as a place to avoid on the Thames in our book (unless you own a gin palace of course).

As we rounded the curve at Lower Basildon, the sky suddenly darkened and a very strong, cold headwind started up. We had choppy water to contend with and then the rain came down in torrents! We managed to reach Beale Park and a grassy bank, and with it still pouring down with rain we made off and dropped the whole canvas cover for protection from the rain and wind. Mole was shaking with cold at this point, not having clothed up after previously rowing. Another lesson learned!

We all found some more clothes and then needed to replenish ourselves as we had neglected our drinks and snacking during the previously beautiful sunny period. However, casting around all we could find apart from sweets and cereal bars were tins of rice pudding!

Catastrophy! We could not find the tin opener, which, even more importantly, included a bottle opener! Toad found a screwdriver and managed to open the tins with it. And in our desperate state the cold rice pudding was actually very welcome. We supplemented the rice with chocolate biscuits and cereals bars and we soon started to warm up. Toad kept one of the rice tins for his private use at night (remember not to touch it!)

The sun returned as quickly as it had disappeared as we set our minds to sorting out ourselves and Edward and continued with the rowing. The next part of our journey was fairly uneventful, but on leaving Whitchurch Lock Ratty and Mole appeared to be caught in a strong reverse current and could not make headway even with heavy pulls. It suddenly dawned on us that Toad had neglected to cast off astern and so he was despatched to untie us. Funnily enough, progress became far easier now that we were no longer attempting to tow the tow path!!

We passed through Mapledurham (with a beautiful flower display, courtesy of the lock keeper) and Caversham locks (Hardwick House near Mapledurham is believed to be Kenneth Grahame's location for Toad Hall in Wind in the Willows) and at the end of the day Toad chose the stopover for the night near the White Hart Hotel at Sonning. We found a spare piece of bank next to a canal boat, under a willow tree where the tent could be pitched under the tree also. Mole pulled out the wet tent and hung it to dry in the tree whilst Ratty organised the cooking stuff.

We contacted the girls and described our location and they made ther way to join us. There being no parking on the narrow road, Mrs Mole and Mrs Ratty described our quest to the hotel's reception and they very kindly allowed the girls to park in the hotel's car park. The hotel looked excellent. In fact, Ratty and Mole seriously considered taking rooms at the hotel as the boat's tent was wet. (I seem to remember that happening in the television series!) However, they soon decided against it upon learning the cost of a room - £150 per person per night!! And the tent was quite cosy anyway. A very nice friendly hotel though, with a lovely garden - we would recommend a visit there.

The girls arrived at the riverbank armed with full BBQ equipment, chairs for all and bags and bags of food. The whole lot was ferried the three hundred yards (on foot) from the hotel car park. Ratty and the girls set to with food preparations, Toad prepared the boat for another overnight stay and, as it was drying out quite well, Mole erected the tent and established facilities.

We all had a wonderful BBQ, including dessert and a beer or two, after which all was returned to the car and the support crew made their way back to Hurley for showers and wine no doubt.

Meanwhile, on the riverbank it started to rain (just for a change!) and an extremely curious herd of bullocks made worrying approaches. Fortunately, the two strings of barbed wire between us and them kept them at bay!

Day 3 - Saturday 16 June

We woke at 9.30am after a bit of a lie-in. The efforts must be getting to us! Mole had received another night-time shower, Ratty seemed dead to the world all night and Toad, sleeping in the boat, was able to use his newfound facility to avoid leaving the boat during the night.

Yesterday had been a hard day, but once awake we all felt much refreshed. Mole emptied the tent and packed everything in thick black plastic bags, sealing them with duck tape, and then hung the tent in the willow tree above to dry in the sunshine. Toad started preparing the boat for the coming day.

Ratty provided cereal for breakfast and had also discovered a tin of baked beans. Ever resourceful, he made toast directly on the flames of the gas burner and heated the beans in the saucepan. Breakfast went down well - beans-on-toast two days running - and we left Sonning in high spirits. The weather was fine and our aim was to reach Shiplake Lock by 10.45am and that night's mooring at Hurley, about 13 miles away, by about 2.30pm. The early arrival at Hurley was to be in time for a picnic that the girls were organising on the island at the lock. Various friends and relatives had been invited and so we did not want to be late.

One tool that had not had much use up until this point was the trowel, taken for emergency use if necessary between locks. (Most locks have facilities available to boaters.) That morning the baked beans must have been doing their work as part-way to Shiplake both Toad and Mole started to experience such an emergency. We pulled up to the bank in a tree-lined area and Toad disappeared first. Upon his return he pointed out a suitable area beneath a tree, well-screened from all around, and Mole proceeded with business. This proved very tricky as the whole area was covered with nettles! The first challenge was to dig a hole without getting our hands stung. The second was to avoid being stung in much more sensitive areas! Both of us completed the task without injury and replaced our divots leaving no evidence. What we hadn't realised was that within about eight yards, just the other side of the trees, was a tent! However, fortunately the occupants seemed to be having an even longer lie-in than we had had and we crept off thankful that they had not heard us and come to investigate.

The trip continued in sunshine and when we were moored at Shiplake and waiting for the go ahead from the lockkeeper we were pleasantly surprised when Ratty's mobile phone rang and on the other end of the phone was Keith Hoskins who runs the Hitchin Town Centre Initiative, a local business organisation. Keith informed us that a good sum had been promised by the very kind members of the Rotary Club and this was just the boost we needed!

Subsequently we were invited to a Rotary breakfast at the Sun Hotel, Hitchin, to say a few words about our trip. Mole agreed to go and was surprised to be billed as that morning's speaker! He attended, had a jolly fine meal and managed to speak for nearly 15 minutes. He was then pleasantly surprised to learn that an even larger sum was now to be provided by the Rotary members - a wonderful contribution to the three charities.

At Marsh Lock Toad pointed out what had been the BBC broadcaster Raymond Baxter's house and then we made a diversion into Hobbs Boatyard for a spot of reminiscence by Toad. For a spell he had kept his river cruiser in this yard and he was able to identify the mooring.

In due course we arrived at Henley and as we passed Leander Rowing Club our coordination was less than perfect and there was some loud, but good-natured, mickey-taking from the launch area. After engaging in a bit of friendly repartee we rowed on.

The banks and river at Henley had been prepared for the annual regatta, with marquees and seating on each bank and the racing course marked by posts, with judges boxes in the river at each end of the course. A lot of rowers and scullers were out practicing and although Ratty and Mole did their best to emulate them - and didn't do too badly - for some inexplicable reason we were unable to keep the same pace as the competitors. Maybe it was our boat!

With Toad steering we accidentally entered the main marked racing course, which was on our side of the river. We soon realised our mistake and did a quick u-turn before anyone protested and crossed to the other side. The length of the official course is one mile and 550 yards (2,112 metres) and racing crews can complete this in seven minutes. We probably took 27! It seemed like a long slog and we stopped before the end for a rest at the bank.

When we reached the end of the course (the start I believe) we were steered across the river just past the judges' box, aiming across the racing track As we approached, the course was obscured by the marker posts and just as we were about to pass the posts I spotted a racing four flying along the course towards us. Were they going the wrong way? I shouted ‘stop' and stuck my oar in, Toad simultaneously shouted ‘row' and Ratty was left confused. We could do nothing to avoid a potentially nasty collision since we were moving and it was too late for us to take any effective action. However, at the last moment the other crew realised what was happening and put on their emergency anchors (oars in the water and hold). Fortunately they achieved a perfect emergency stop, but we were subjected to some very black looks and we could sense the air turning blue from their unexpressed opinions. We rowed on, expressing our apologies.

Otherwise it was a very pleasant day and we arrived at the meadow adjacent to the caravan site at about 2pm. We moored up and cracked open some very welcome beers as there would be no more serious rowing that day. The girls were absent at that point as they were at the picnic site itself.

We were then able to take much needed showers at the caravan toilet block - our first proper wash in two days! After due preparation we soon reboarded the boat and with Ratty and Mole back double sculling we made our way over the last mile to Hurley Lock. As we approached we could hear a tumultuous welcome from the large crowd of friends and relations present. Toad's two young grand-daughters joined him in the stern, Ratty's wife Pauline boarded at the front and we all went through the lock and round the end of the island to the picnic site where we were greeted by all.

To our amazement there was a sheet strung up announcing ‘Three Men in a Boat', which Mrs Mole had made. It had been erected at the caravan site for some days and had apparently sparked great interest and many donations had been made by fellow caravaners. There were also several invitations to drinks and BBQs on the site, but then we all know that caravaners are a very friendly lot. Our support crew, decked out in their special t-shirts, were calling out to passing crews and encouraging donations. One large boat was full of members of a stag party who threw one- and two-pound coins our way, which caused much scurrying and searching around in the grass.

It was wonderful to see that so many people had come to enjoy the day with us - many were from Peggy Bickley Dance School that we attend. We all enjoyed a collective picnic and then we took it in turns to take people out in the boat, some even trying their hand at sculling.

At about 7pm we returned to our mooring and were met by interested caravaners. We provided more trips out in the boat, one including a grandfather and his grandson who were both celebrating a birthday.

The weather was now deteriorating, but the girls had planned another barbeque. So Ratty started cooking and Toad and Mole returned to their usual duties. Just as the boat cover and tent were erected the heavens opened and a spell of torrential rain ensued. We all used our umbrellas, including Ratty over the barbeque, and eventually the rain eased and we had another good meal despite the fact that we were all a bit soggy.

After dark we said goodnight to the ladies and settled down for the night, which turned out to be a dry one for a change.

Day 4 - Sunday 17 June

The morning was warm and sunny. Ratty provided the breakfast again and we went for showers in turn. We were able to pack up with everything dry, then the girls arrived along with some of the caravaners. We left Hurley Camp Site at around 10am, waved off by the girls and caravan site supporters, and made our way back down to Hurley Lock, passing through it for the third time.

Today we had scheduled 18 miles, hoping to find a spot to stay overnight between Romney and Old Windsor locks. The girls planned to arrive in the area before us to find a suitable spot.

Our next time check was on leaving Temple Lock - 11am - and we arrived at Marlow Lock at 11.20am. The distances are quite short between Hurley, Temple and Marlow locks - about 2.5 miles in total - but it does take time to pass through locks.

The procedure at the locks is to tie up in the waiting area if the first gate is closed. You then wait for the lock to open and for the boats coming from the opposite direction to exit. The lock keeper then calls the waiting boats in, generally in queuing order unless he needs to arrange large and small craft more efficiently. We would paddle in, quite a slow process, and the stroke (the person in the centre of the skiff) holds on to a vertical chain. Chains are spaced regularly along each side of a lock and are usually covered with green algae. The reverse procedure then occurs upon exiting the lock. This whole process generally takes anything between 15 minutes (our fastest when we were the only boat) and 45 minutes when other boaters are slow or there is a long queue.

On approaching Marlow Lock we almost entered in the wrong channel but managed to change direction at the last minute. River traffic at Marlow was busy. The previous day had been Marlow Regatta and today there was dragon boat racing taking place. Our channel ran parallel to the racing course. The dragon boats were very colourful, each with a large drum beating time for the rowers. 

We later moored at Cliveden and met an interesting man who maintained the Cliveden boathouse and the Cliveden flotilla of vintage boats - beautiful wooden craft from a bygone era. One of the boats had apparently been involved at Dunkirk.

Adjacent to the mooring was an old hunting lodge where Christine Keeler had ‘entertained' Lord Profumo, amongst others. Ratty was rather taken with the house. Apparently it can be rented for £1500 per day, including the services of a butler.

In due course we arrived at Boulter's Lock at Maidenhead - one of the busiest locks on the river. The girls, wearing their t-shirts, had been collecting and quite a crowd greeted us there with cheers and clapping. We felt like celebrities thanks to the girls' efforts! They were touring the lock with collecting buckets and, again, people were most generous. They really are wonderful!

We then continued on our adventure and at Bray we spotted the famous Waterside Inn, owned by Michel Roux. Set lunch was £56 and dinner £89. We decided not to stop as we were running late and in any case we did not have a booking. After passing through Bray Lock we arrived at Boveney Lock at 3.25pm and continued on to Old Windsor.

We were now starting to get a bit tired and were hoping, optimistically, to find an isolated camp site. Lunch didn't really occur to us, but Lucozade and cereal/Mars bars were still being consumed. Unfortunately we unconsciously forgot the law that you can only get out what you put in (minus an efficiency factor)!

By Old Windsor clouds had arrived, but it was still very bright. There appeared to be a Sikh festival going on - there were lots of BBQs and people enjoying themselves in groups sitting on the grass there. River traffic was even more chaotic at this point - with totally unpredictable maniacs in (or out of) control of hired boats all over the place. We needed to make several emergency manoeuvres in order to avert collisions!

Not far from Windsor Castle we pulled in (Southfield, I believe) and were approached by a genteel older lady to whom we described our quest. She only had her house key in her possession but said that she would return, which she did and with a £5 donation. She said that she had some friends with a private mooring and back garden, but we decided that it might be too much with six of us and a BBQ.

From there it was only a short scull to Romney Lock, but we were all dying for a leak! More avoiding action was required at the lock with a small rowing boat in the ‘lock cut'. We asked for access and they moved aside. We then encountered a major delay in the rain whilst waiting to enter the lock, apparently caused by a German boat with an amateur crew. The lockkeeper lost patience with them in the end and took them in with ropes.

We came across an American couple at one point who what heard of Three Men in a Boat but not Wind in the Willows.

We then had trouble finding a mooring and had to row on and on. The length of Windsor Great Park seemed endless and as a result we covered a far greater distance than we had planned. Luckily the girls had found a National Trust bank at Runnymede - what would we do without mobile phones?! At last a great mooring! We were all exhausted but had an excellent meal here with the girls - an Italian takeaway with masses of lasagne and spaghetti, all good carbohydrates.

We settled for the night under the Heathrow flight path, but the planes eventually stopped flying overhead at about midnight. We were also moored near a road, not at all ideal but the boat was hidden below a bank and so we had to hope that people would assume that we were fishermen due to the tent. ‘Nobody messes with fishermen' according to Ratty!

Day 5 - Monday 18 June

The morning was cloudy but bright, and the rain had ceased after another very wet night where Mole had received yet another cold shower.

We all felt much refreshed after a good night's sleep. Toad set about his usual spade routine whilst Mole loose packed the tent - we would not be needing it again and so we decided to dry and pack it properly once we were home. Ratty provided the usual good fare with the remains of our breakfast stores.

At 7am a pair of fishermen arrived looking for a swim for the day. During our chat we explained what we were doing and they donated £3! It also transpired that they were from Wandsworth in South London. Mole was born and brought up in Balham! One of the fishermen was a rocker in the 60s and Mr & Mrs Mole (then unmarried) were mods. We then discovered that we all used to go to Box Hill in Surrey on Sundays - the fishermen with the rockers and the Moles with the mods! What a coincidence! We offered them our position on the bank but they declined as we were moored too close to Salters Steamers for it to be good fishing.

We were now facing the last leg of the journey and amazingly we were still all talking to each other!! We left Runnymede at 8.30am, heading for Staines and with only approximately 8 miles to go (less than we'd planned due to the extra mileage we'd achieved the day before). Toad and Mole were rowing at this point.

We covered the half mile to Bell Weir Lock without incident and proceeded from there under Ratty and Mole power whilst Toad contacted Tom of Skiffhire and arranged for us to meet him at 2pm in Walton.

The pasta from last night must have been doing its job as Ratty and Mole felt full of energy and put in regular spurts to reach ramming speed. They felt that they could row all day! After passing through Penton Hook and Chertsey Lock we kept our eyes peeled for the Walton Bridge rendezvous, only to be confronted instead by yet another lock! This was Shepperton Lock, which Mole had missed from the list - he received much ribbing!! At the lock Ratty generously gave up his bow seat to Toad for the final short pull to Walton.

We arrived at Walton on Thames after four days of hard rowing (noon on Thursday to noon on Monday had been the plan). We were a little bruised and battered but absolutely delighted and elated at our achievement.

We had been delayed due to the extra lock but we finally found the spot where we would meet Tom for skiff collection. It was a nice stretch of grassy bank just past the Desborough Cut, before Walton Bridge, with a launch ramp adjacent to it. A road runs parallel to the river at this point and the girls had brought both cars to collect us and our equipment and had parked in a car park on the other side of the road.

Tom (senior this time) seemed surprised at what we had achieved and was very complementary. Apparently no one else has done the row quite like us and he asked if we would send some details to him.

After unloading the skiff and congratulating ourselves all round we all headed back to Hurley, still sporting our special t-shirts. The sun was out when we arrived at the caravan site and various other caravaners came and congratulated us all.

To round the whole thing off, a bottle of fizzy was opened and we all toasted our success whilst standing in the sunshine.

In Conclusion

At the time of writing (Saturday 18 August 2007), the total raised had risen to £2900. This is based on cash sponsorship of £2200, plus a matching of the Macmillan Support donation by Mole's employer ABB Limited (a worldwide process automation company) whose own chosen charity is Macmillan.

Although it took a lot of organising, everyone involved is feeling very pleased to have successfully achieved the target that we set ourselves. It has given us all a wonderful sense of personal satisfaction and brought the realisation that given planning, organisation, commitment, enthusiasm, teamwork and support we can all achieve unexpected goals in areas with which we are unfamiliar. The icing on the cake is that we may have managed to raise some funds.

Most of all we would all like to thank everyone who gave a donation, large or small, towards our chosen charities - Hitchin Helping Hands, Macmillan Cancer Support and Cancer Research.

Hope you found our story interesting!

Mole

If you wish to make a donation please contact Keith Hoskins, Hitchin Town Centre Initiative, on 01462 645336.

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